Because of my own divorce, I understand what you’re going through and can sympathise with your feelings of anger and frustration.
In the midst of the rage, frustration, and concern for my child’s well-being, I’ve been fed up with being disrespected by my ex.
It was as if I were treading water. No matter how hard I tried, the ex just seemed to get angrier and more unreasonable no matter what I said or did.
It was clear that our daughter was suffering greatly as a result of the divorce. She was starting to complain in a way she hadn’t before. New to her was the fact that she couldn’t sleep.
The situation deteriorated at an alarming rate.
The situation had to be improved, but I had no idea how to begin.
The only person who can make a difference is me, and I knew I had to do something different in order to try and make a change.
A situation arose that was having a severe negative impact on our young daughter, and we had the opportunity to shift gears.
Our daughter’s legal custody was split 50/50. The two of us had been able to communicate and plan our pregnancies for our daughters for over two years. On Wednesdays, our daughter visits the other parent’s house on an every other week basis after a series of trial and error.
For no apparent reason, the ex suddenly refused to discuss or listen to the schedule and demanded that we adhere to the schedule documented in our divorce agreement.
After reading the divorce decree, I was surprised to learn that it stipulated an every other day schedule.
Having our 3 year old girl bounce back and forth between our two homes on a daily basis would mean a lack of consistency and stability for our family.
This doesn’t even begin to cover the wide range of differences between the two households in terms of parenting styles, rules of conduct, and countless other aspects.
I feared that our young daughter would be traumatised by this new schedule.
When I explained the situation to a child psychologist, he was equally shocked and appalled.
There’s no way I could possibly cover all of the implications of this type of physical custody arrangement in a divorce decree (and I’d be here for days…)
I wasn’t simply enraged. The ex’s order to put our 3-year-old daughter on an every other-day schedule stunned and enraged me.
It’s a shame how self-absorbed you are. To think that our child would be negatively affected by an every other day schedule!
I found myself in a never-ending cycle of retaliation against my ex-boyfriend.
This, of course, only served to exacerbate the situation. When I realised that what I was doing wasn’t working, I decided to try something new.
As I pondered what might help, it occurred to me that… In the long run, my reaction to the ex was not going to help anything.
I had made up my mind that I wanted to try to create a divorce environment that would be supportive and balanced for our daughter. And it was at this point that I began to broaden my outlook and narrow my attention.
It was critical for us to offer our daughter consistency and security. This meant abandoning the every other day schedule and reverting to a weekly one.
The ex-girlfriend was uninterested and uncaring. Her rage only increased.
In the end, I took her back to court to re-do the custody schedule because I had no choice.
The irony of this decision is that we never appeared before the judge. While sitting outside the courtroom, our lawyers began “negotiating” with each other. In the course of the argument, my former partner levelled a number of charges at me.
The ex-spouse demanded that I hand over half of an education fund I had personally set up for our daughter if I wanted to change the schedule.
I was in a state of awe! What a liar! To take what I’d set up for my daughter and run with it?
She’s a complete self-obsessed snob.
Our daughter’s well-being was of the utmost importance to me, and her mom was making it about money, money that wasn’t hers!
Then it dawned on me: this was it. I was being egocentric and making it about money when I became enraged.
Our daughter’s future became my new priority. In addition, a well-balanced schedule was necessary.
When I told my attorney to say “Yes” to giving the ex half of the education fund I had set up for our daughter, I took a few slow, deep breaths.
We were able to come to terms and agree on an every other week schedule as soon as I informed my ex-girlfriend and her lawyer of my decision.
In order to protect her, I decided to take this action. It was necessary for me to let go of my rage and redirect the energising energy generated by my rage.
This taught me one of the most significant lessons of my life.
I know that if I let my anger get the best of me, I won’t be able to accomplish what I really want in the long run.
We were able to come to terms when I decided to focus on creating a divorce environment in which my daughter could flourish.
Do I still believe my ex was egocentric and unreasonable to the nth degree, looking back? Definitely, I think so.
In spite of this, I’d already decided that the most important thing in my life was my daughter. This freed me up so that I could put more effort into making our daughter’s environment a better place. And so it was, in fact, the end result.
What do you think of my challenge? Consider the last time you reacted angrily toward the ex in this way.
What sparked your interest in the first place?
Did you get what you wanted in the end? Definitely not..
Now is the time to commit to being more aware and prepared for the next encounter with your ex.
Consider why you want to create a particular product or service.
For this reason, my why turned out to be my daughter’s. I wanted to do everything in my power to make her life a little brighter.
What can you say or do to yourself to help you get out of a rage and get back on track to creating the life you truly desire when it starts to simmer deep within you?
Consider what you want to create for your children, shift your attention to it, and decide what you will say or do next to get you closer to it.
The more you do this, the better you’ll be able to maintain your composure and control your temper so that you can make a positive impact on your kids’ lives.
Because of my own divorce, I understand what you’re going through and can sympathise with your feelings of anger and frustration.
In the midst of the rage, frustration, and concern for my child’s well-being, I’ve been fed up with being disrespected by my ex.
It was as if I were treading water. No matter how hard I tried, the ex just seemed to get angrier and more unreasonable no matter what I said or did.
It was clear that our daughter was suffering greatly as a result of the divorce. She was starting to complain in a way she hadn’t before. New to her was the fact that she couldn’t sleep.
The situation deteriorated at an alarming rate.
The situation had to be improved, but I had no idea how to begin.
The only person who can make a difference is me, and I knew I had to do something different in order to try and make a change.
A situation arose that was having a severe negative impact on our young daughter, and we had the opportunity to shift gears.
Our daughter’s legal custody was split 50/50. The two of us had been able to communicate and plan our pregnancies for our daughters for over two years. On Wednesdays, our daughter visits the other parent’s house on an every other week basis after a series of trial and error.
For no apparent reason, the ex suddenly refused to discuss or listen to the schedule and demanded that we adhere to the schedule documented in our divorce agreement.
After reading the divorce decree, I was surprised to learn that it stipulated an every other day schedule.
Having our 3 year old girl bounce back and forth between our two homes on a daily basis would mean a lack of consistency and stability for our family.
This doesn’t even begin to cover the wide range of differences between the two households in terms of parenting styles, rules of conduct, and countless other aspects.
I feared that our young daughter would be traumatised by this new schedule.
When I explained the situation to a child psychologist, he was equally shocked and appalled.
There’s no way I could possibly cover all of the implications of this type of physical custody arrangement in a divorce decree (and I’d be here for days…)
I wasn’t simply enraged. The ex’s order to put our 3-year-old daughter on an every other-day schedule stunned and enraged me.
It’s a shame how self-absorbed you are. To think that our child would be negatively affected by an every other day schedule!
I found myself in a never-ending cycle of retaliation against my ex-boyfriend.
This, of course, only served to exacerbate the situation. When I realised that what I was doing wasn’t working, I decided to try something new.
As I pondered what might help, it occurred to me that… In the long run, my reaction to the ex was not going to help anything.
I had made up my mind that I wanted to try to create a divorce environment that would be supportive and balanced for our daughter. And it was at this point that I began to broaden my outlook and narrow my attention.
It was critical for us to offer our daughter consistency and security. This meant abandoning the every other day schedule and reverting to a weekly one.
The ex-girlfriend was uninterested and uncaring. Her rage only increased.
In the end, I took her back to court to re-do the custody schedule because I had no choice.
The irony of this decision is that we never appeared before the judge. While sitting outside the courtroom, our lawyers began “negotiating” with each other. In the course of the argument, my former partner levelled a number of charges at me.
The ex-spouse demanded that I hand over half of an education fund I had personally set up for our daughter if I wanted to change the schedule.
I was in a state of awe! What a liar! To take what I’d set up for my daughter and run with it?
She’s a complete self-obsessed snob.
Our daughter’s well-being was of the utmost importance to me, and her mom was making it about money, money that wasn’t hers!
Then it dawned on me: this was it. I was being egocentric and making it about money when I became enraged.
Our daughter’s future became my new priority. In addition, a well-balanced schedule was necessary.
When I told my attorney to say “Yes” to giving the ex half of the education fund I had set up for our daughter, I took a few slow, deep breaths.
We were able to come to terms and agree on an every other week schedule as soon as I informed my ex-girlfriend and her lawyer of my decision.
In order to protect her, I decided to take this action. It was necessary for me to let go of my rage and redirect the energising energy generated by my rage.
This taught me one of the most significant lessons of my life.
I know that if I let my anger get the best of me, I won’t be able to accomplish what I really want in the long run.
We were able to come to terms when I decided to focus on creating a divorce environment in which my daughter could flourish.
Do I still believe my ex was egocentric and unreasonable to the nth degree, looking back? Definitely, I think so.
In spite of this, I’d already decided that the most important thing in my life was my daughter. This freed me up so that I could put more effort into making our daughter’s environment a better place. And so it was, in fact, the end result.
What do you think of my challenge? Consider the last time you reacted angrily toward the ex in this way.
What sparked your interest in the first place?
Did you get what you wanted in the end? Definitely not..
Now is the time to commit to being more aware and prepared for the next encounter with your ex.
Consider why you want to create a particular product or service.
For this reason, my why turned out to be my daughter’s. I wanted to do everything in my power to make her life a little brighter.
What can you say or do to yourself to help you get out of a rage and get back on track to creating the life you truly desire when it starts to simmer deep within you?
Consider what you want to create for your children, shift your attention to it, and decide what you will say or do next to get you closer to it.
The more you do this, the better you’ll be able to maintain your composure and control your temper so that you can make a positive impact on your kids’ lives.